Photo by kimmiles.comAs Leon Russell wrote, "It's a strange world that we're livin' in." Always has been. Guess it always will be. So, we learn to chill. Or we don't.
I've been pretty chill for a while, sort of accepting that I live in a doo-doo storm, and that my best intentions, actions, thoughts, prayers, pleading, cajoling, begging, working, wishes, skills, desires, needs, wants, expectations, etc. have little to no effect on life's outcome. Believe me, I've tried it all: The Secret, Abraham, Napolean Hill, Bleep, God, karma, visualization, EFT, psychotherapy, blah, blah. All I can figure to do is hold on to the sides of the tippy canoe and go, "Whewwww! Dodged another one!"
I'm getting fed up with chillin'.
I want to punch something. I want to make a hole. I want to rip and tear. I want to fight back! Now, before you go thinking I'm talking about people here, I'm not. I'm talking about the "holding pattern." Breaking out of what feels like a backwater eddy that keeps me swirled into a nothing-happening state. I want an OAR! I want to move ON!
Pitiful little me wants it to be MY TURN!
NOW!
To steal an image usual meant for males, I've been spilling my seed on the ground long enough. I create and create and create, and then live among the piles of paintings and papers spilled on the ground, filled with beautiful words and images signifying nothing, I guess.
I'd like some ACTION! Heavens to Murgatroid, I'm an ARIES! I'm not meant to sit under the Bodi tree and wait for enlightenment. I'm meant to run around and jump and explore and fiddle with stuff to see what I can make out of it. But then the "stuff" needs to get a new home with a new family to love it and care for it. And homegirl wants to GET PAID.
NOW!
To me, the airy-fairy path looks pretty strewn with broke, struggling people still clinging to the promise of abundance if they only keep thinking abundantly. I'm not seeing many or any of them actually achieving it. But they keep affirmating and meditating and prayerating even as the electric company comes and shuts down their power.
I want to know what will work. No, I won't sell my soul to the Devil, but come on! Really! Can I get an "amen!". . .oh, and some cash?
So, it's 11 am. I'm in my nightie. Beautiful day outside. And I sit here bitching.
Ah well, when all else fails, go rake leaves.
2 comments:
I know EXACTLY what you're talking about! As artists we yearn to create and continue to create during hard times. But, c'mon! some of these wonderful creations need to MOVE ON! It's like being financially constipated.
I've marked down a huge number of my pieces (trickling up?) and having a big sale this month. I'm starting to feel the karmic metamucil working....
Dear Mitzi, not only does the picture totally crack me up, but you have managed to articulate my very thoughts. I forgot to look and see your age, but at 60 (mine) I am having a similar period of raging. After a successfulperiod of time as a psychotherapist in private practice, I want to spend more time doing art. I want to choose when I bathe, sleep, eat, change my clothes and put aside one project or another. I have plans.....I hope they work out. Keep at it my dear. susanne/sopha
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